Hi again, When i saw the blog was talking about Tznius i had to respond...I too have gone through a transformation regarding my view toward tznius. Last year this time I was the one getting in trouble for dress code everyday. For me, Tznius was a non-issue. I was fine wearing pants, shorts, etc... My family, cousins, and majority of my friends outside of school did so too. I always saw tznius as a “Ma’ayanot thing.” Finding clothing for school was always a hassle and on the weekends I found it was much easier to get dressed. Also, in terms of “fashion,” the shorter outfits always looked better, they were more revealing, better looking, and “cool.” To me the shorter the skirt, the better it looked, the lower the shirt, the better it looked. I’m sure many people think this way too. Also, it IS very hard to find “fashionable” clothing that is tznius. I would say that from a fashion sense, dressing not tzniusly is easier and more stylish. Another major part for me was that it was easier to dress not tzniusly, I was lazy and by dressing that way I never had to check myself. Every Sunday, I put on a pair of jeans, every morning for school I threw on a shirt and skirt and it was simple. Who cared? I can say that nowadays I put a lot more effort into getting dressed every morning. Not only do I have to choose outfits that match and look nice together but before I leave my room I need to make sure that my outfit covers everything and ill say that it’s a pretty difficult and annoying thing.Although I think it is up to every individual to make her own decision of how she wants to dress I believe it is important to realize a few things:
1- The way you dress (sadly) reflects they way you want people to see you. Unfortunately this is what society has come to. The way you dress reflects how you are seen. When you expose to your body its like saying “I am a body, look at it!” and its there for everyone to see. If you take a step back, you’ll realize that you don’t want people to see you as your body. You want people to look at you for who you are inside and not for what assets you possess.
2- You cannot say, “I dress this way because it’s easier.” There is no such thing as showing something accidentally on a daily basis. Every zipper is zipped up to a specific place. It never “just happens” to be zipped up to a certain spot. By you dressing a certain way it is again a reflection of what you choose to allow other people to see.
3- I read a book that gave this analogy or something along these lines: A woman was choosing her outfit for a business meeting. Her friend took out one of her party/date outfits and said, “Here wear this,” the woman responded to her friend saying “I can’t wear that to a job interview! They wont take me seriously!” and the friend responded, “so when you go on a date the guy isn’t supposed to take you seriously?” think about the impression you give off by the way you dress. This woman said it herself.
4- The more precious something is the more it is hidden and reserved. If we “treasure our bodies” there should be no excuse for why we show it off. If we want to keep something sacred and special it shouldn’t be exposed for everyone to see or it will loss its value.
5- On a personal note, after I began to put effort into dressing more appropriately many people came over to me and said “Wow! When did you get so frum?” Unfortunately, like I was saying before, people judge you by what you wear. Who said that since I was dressing differently I was any more frum then I was the day before? That’s not necessarily true. However this comes to show that the way you dress really affects the way people see you and if you wish for them to give you respect you need to respect yourself as well.
6- I know, (because I’ve been there) that dressing tzniusly looks really hard but after having gone through the change ITS NOT AS HARD AS IT SEEMS and it really makes all the difference. Let me explain from my personal experience:
a. At first ill admit that my reasons for my change in dress was all for the wrong reasons and when I say that I mean it. I did not change the way that I dress because I had any respect for the laws of tznius. Now not only has my attire changed but my approach to tznius changed as well.
b. To everyone who spend hours getting ready to go to a co-ed social scene, its not about revealing the most skin, it really boils down to who you are and that’s what should be grabbing peoples attention. The guy that only pays attention to you for what your wearing isn’t the guy who’s attention you want. I think it’s very important to realize that they way you dress if first and foremost for you and dressing a certain way shouldn’t be a mode of getting attention.
c. Also, I remember thinking to myself “how will I ever be able to cover my elbows in the summer! This is ridiculous! It’s boiling hot!” but know that it is not as hard as it seems. After I did it for a week or two I got used to it. They say, if you are on the path to something good. Hashem will help you continue along the path. And this really was true for me. I wasn’t as hot as I thought id be and dressing tzniusly wasn’t as impossible as I thought. Once I started, it was easier than I could have ever imagined. I got over the fact that when I went to a store they didn’t have anything for me to buy. Instead I found other stores to shop in and when I did find something it made my shopping experience even better! (And let me add, I have found many awesome tznius outfits at many “normal” stores)d. You don’t look gross when you dress tzniusly. The people who you see dressing tzniusly but looking “gross” never had style to begin with. I think I look fine. Ill admit that according to the medias standards I may not look the “coolest” but I do think I dress well and I do think a lot my friends who dress tzniusly look good too. Its all a matter of how you do it
7- The idea that dressing tzniusly saves what’s meant for your husband, for your husband is so true. This relates to Shomer Negiyah as well. What you save for your husband will make the marriage experience even more meaningful. Enough said.Just to end off, changing the way I dress has really changed me. Not only in the impression I give off to others but also in the way I feel about myself. I have never felt better about myself. When people look at me a really feel that they are seeing what I want them to see. I also know that I’m not putting myself out there for everyone to see and guys aren’t talking to me because of what they can see. I truly feel that I am giving myself the respect I deserve and I want everyone to realize how important it is to treat yourself with respect as well. Also in response to Mrs. Knoll, while I do think in a school setting dress code should be enforced, I think it is also important to teach the reasons for why we dress this way. And I'm not talking about halachic sources, I mean things where we students can take what we learn and apply it to our daily life and attitude. I think Tznius is more of an understanding and a sense of respect then simply following the rules of the book. While the Torah may serve as our guide, an understanding of the laws is what’s really important for everyone to know.--Jenn
No comments:
Post a Comment