Thoughts on Tzeniut

I want to share with you my own evolving thoughts about tzeniut because I personally have undergone a huge change in my perspective on the topic over the last few months, and actually feel like that change is still ongoing; I am, even as I write this, still not 100% sure what I think. But I wanted to post my current thoughts, and I would love to hear feedback from you all; I’m hoping this blog post will help me clarify my own thoughts on the issue.

Up until some time last year, I was a strong advocate AGAINST making tzniut a big deal in Ma’ayanot. You can ask Mrs. Billet to verify, but the issue came up numerous times over the last number of years both at faculty meetings and parlor meetings, and I always felt, “Why is everyone making such a big deal about skirts? There are so many more important issues on which we should be focusing our attention, such as encouraging our students to daven even on non-school days, for example. Isn’t encouraging our students to devote time every single day to their personal relationship with God a more important and more meaningful expression of their commitment to Judaism than the clothes they wear?”

However, after many years of expressing the above sentiment, my thoughts have changed radically over the last few months. I am not sure what triggered my rethinking of the issue, but what I’ve begun to wonder (and am still in the middle of wondering) is the following:

Maybe tzniut really IS that important. Maybe it IS more important even than davening every day. Maybe it can even be considered on par with the most weighty of mitzvot, such as Shabbat and Kashrut. Again, I’m still not 100% sure what I believe; I’m still thinking it through myself. But a year ago, I would never have even entertained the possibility that tzniut could be considered on an equal level with something like Shabbat or Kashrut, while now I not only consider the possibility, I even lean toward saying that it may be correct. Let me explain the change in my thinking:

What I have come to realize is that tzeniut is not just about the clothing we wear, it’s not even just about the way we behave and carry ourselves. Tzeniut represents and is the first step in an entire world-view that encompasses such far-reaching and critical arenas as one’s perspective on oneself, one’s body, self-worth, sexuality, and the sanctity of marriage to name a few. As a Modern Orthodox Jew, I firmly believe in the value of the secular world and do not think that we must constantly be distancing ourselves from it. However, in these particular areas, I think that the Jewish world-view differs radically from that of the culture in which we live. I think that tzeniut is so tremendously important because it is a “kol demama daka” – a still, small voice expressing a powerful message about the sanctity of oneself, one’s body, and ultimately one’s marriage that stands in such stark contrast to the messages with which we are bombarded by the world around us.

The Jewish world-view, of which tzeniut is a critical part, believes that our bodies are sacred, and should be treated with dignity and self-respect. We should not just be flaunting our bodies to anyone and everyone who passes by. They are too precious for that. We should be protecting them, not just in the sense of safety, but in the sense of preserving them for the special someone who loves us and cares for us enough to deserve to share them. Only someone who truly appreciates us and understands us for who we are should be able to fully see and have access to the physical body that is us.

This message affects everything, from dressing and carrying ourselves in a way that reflects a sense of dignity and self-worth; to perceiving our bodies and our relationships as sacred; to saving certain singular experiences to be shared only with the one person to whom we commit ourselves and who is committed to us fully and for life; to the uniqueness, sanctity, and loyalty that hopefully exists in Jewish marriages as a result; to the strong, everlasting community that can be built on these powerful values and meaningful relationships.

No wonder so many parents and educators have placed such a heavy emphasis on tzeniut for years. I have only begun to think of the broader implications of tzeniut recently myself, but I am coming to believe that tzeniut really is way, way more than just the clothing we wear, but rather that an entire component of the Jewish world view is rooted in the concept of tzeniut – in the idea of treating our bodies with dignity and self-respect, and preserving them for the ultimate relationship.