Like Rachel, I was hesitant about “piping in” on this one, in my case because I think this decision-making process is so personal that it is difficult for me to write about it without qualifying each of my statements lest someone think it represents an absolute sentiment. However, since we now have student articulations in favor of Stern and in favor of considering other colleges, and we have the experiences of teachers who have gone to Stern but not of those who have gone to other colleges, I’ll chime in with the hopes that broadening the conversation will be of some value to some people.
First, a word about my own decision to attend a secular university. When I was looking into colleges, my first priority was a campus that had a large and vibrant Orthodox Jewish community. “Large” was important to me because, despite the positive things I knew about the smaller but strong Orthodox communities on various campuses, I was not eager for the challenge of seeking Jewish opportunities (learning, davening, dating) where they were not in surplus; some people thrive on that sort of thing, but I found the idea of it too risky. My second priority was a course selection that would quench my thirst for sophisticated intellectual engagement in a wide variety of secular subjects. A few days after my early-decision application to Penn went in the mail, the Stern representative visited Frisch, talked and gave us reading material about the rich Jewish life and Judaic and secular academic offerings at Stern, and showed us a video reflecting the same. I freaked out. It was suddenly very clear to me that I was terrified of leaving the close and safe circle of my Orthodox Jewish community and educational framework. However, I knew myself well enough to recognize that Penn might still have advantages for me personally and intellectually, and so after a few days I resumed waiting anxiously for what I hoped would be a thick envelope (“back in the day”, pre-internet[!!!], that’s how you knew you’d gotten in). Having developed a sense that Penn had the potential to fulfill my college needs, I concluded that the only other appropriate school for me would be Stern.
Penn was great in all the ways I had anticipated. I had numerous chevrutot, participated in shiurim, dated men who shared my values about life and also about the acceptable parameters of dating, and took wonderful courses in History, English, Logic, Constitutional Rights – the list goes on – with wonderful professors. I have never thought about it in the terms Rachel described below, but what she wrote resonates: the communal Shabbat and Chagim experiences remain foremost in my wonderful memories of my undergraduate years. It was the right place *for me*. Stern may have been as well – what I know of Stern back then and today certainly convinces me that, if I had to do it all over again, I would at least look into it more seriously lehatkhila. But I do not regret my choice; knowing oneself is critical in this decision-making process, and given who I was at the time, I believe that Penn was the place where I was most likely to grow intellectually as well as religiously.
Here are a few general observations as I once again watch seniors struggle with this difficult decision:
1. I’m not a big fan of the “put yourself in a challenging situation davka so that you will grow from it” approach to selecting colleges (or summer experiences, or Relationships). Many circumstances in life are inherently challenging. Sometimes they simply insert themselves into our lives, and at other times we choose them because, in the balance, they make overwhelming sense. G-d willing we do grow from them. But we don’t always; sometimes we regress. And so I would urge any senior: if you do consider colleges other than Stern, for G-d’s sake (literally!) – focus your attention on those that make it easy to maintain your halakhic observance and general avodat Hashem and to date only men who share your values!
2. I have found that the more exposure I have had to Jews across denominations and to non-Jews, the more I have been convinced that many ideals that we consider “Jewish values” – e.g. hessed, tzedaka, tzedek u-mishpat – are just as readily human values; upbringing and education make all the difference whether or not one is an Orthodox Jew. Furthermore, I think that a potential downside of remaining – as some on this blog have put it – cloistered exclusively within the frum Jewish community is that one can be sadly ignorant of all that we might learn from and contribute to G-d’s world at large. And so I would urge any senior: if you do feel that Stern is the right place for you, please do not be afraid of learning that people unlike yourself can be ethical and interesting. But never compromise your halakhic commitments in order to do so.
3. If learning Torah is important to you, keep in mind that you will certainly be able la’asot Toratekh keva at universities that have such opportunities, but please do not fool yourself into thinking that it will be as easy to maintain this as it is at a college that incorporates Limudei Kodesh into its core curriculum and in which a high proportion of students share that goal.
4. While I am certain that a Stern education can expose students to a wide variety of excellent professors and courses in General Studies, I do think that, on the whole, world-class secular educational opportunities are more readily available at other private as well as public universities. As a person who almost instinctively appreciates secular knowledge both within the framework of Torah U-Madda and for its own sake, I don’t think there is anything wrong with embracing that value. But, as Mrs. Sinensky has written, each student needs to decide the degree of that value in her life.
5. Anticipating college (as well as your year in Israel) may be the first experience you have in imagining yourself as an adult with adult choices to make. On the other hand, for many if not most of you, the conversations about it will often take place with your parents. They frequently – and appropriately – will express a personal stake in your choice, and they will frequently have something important to say about the financial element of your decision. Please try to tow the line maturely between manifesting independence and maintaining kibbud av va-em.
Be-hatzlaha to all of you with this decision.
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