There's a lot in there to think about, especially for those of us who are about to start dealing with these issues with our young children. Besides the main argument that she makes, the following passage caught my attention:• attend a sleepover• have a playdate• be in a school play• complain about not being in a school play• watch TV or play computer games• choose their own extracurricular activities• get any grade less than an A• not be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama• play any instrument other than the piano or violin• not play the piano or violin.
What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it. To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences. This often requires fortitude on the part of the parents because the child will resist; things are always hardest at the beginning, which is where Western parents tend to give up. But if done properly, the Chinese strategy produces a virtuous circle. Tenacious practice, practice, practice is crucial for excellence; rote repetition is underrated in America. Once a child starts to excel at something—whether it's math, piano, pitching or ballet—he or she gets praise, admiration and satisfaction. This builds confidence and makes the once not-fun activity fun. This in turn makes it easier for the parent to get the child to work even more.This is a lesson that my son's first grade Rebbe once taught me on a meet-the-teacher night about Tefilla. So many of us find davening very difficult and fun or enjoyable is probably not an adjective that comes to mind for many of us either. I know some people for whom it is downright painful. What we need to keep in mind is that as with anything else of value, we are unlikely do enjoy something that we don't do well, and unlikely to get good at it without fighting through the discomfort and hard work needed to get good at it. The same is true of Gemara study, and many other skills - particularly those that we aren't used to.
While this level of commitment may not be worthwhile for everything (does my kid HAVE to be great on the violin?), but for the things that we really value, it is worth the investment, and maybe even to force our kids to invest in until they are mature enough to realize that value.
What do you think?
4 comments:
In regard to our yehura topic, this woman may seem excessive to some and not to others. It depends on her surroundings. If she lives in a Chinese community where most everyone raises their children in this way, then she will not have a problem with her peers because for them it is normal. However, if she were to move to a regular suburban town in America, she might get some looks. What seems excessive to others may be what some people are used to. Therefore yuhara is not really able to be specified to one event or one type of person.
Liad
as we said in class, yuhara really depends on the town/ surrounding you are in. in this case, this mothers theories may seem normal to any other parent who has the same beliefs. but to others it may just seem crazy and unnecessary.
These are certainly good and interesting connections to the yuhara sugya that we just completed, but the connection I was thinking of was to the machloket in the new mishna that we did today.
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well in that case, i make the connection through the paragraph about how hard work is the only way to get good at something. i think that r. eliezer is being the chinese woman in this case and the chachamim are being like the people who dont believe in those methods. r. eliezer is saying that the only way to make sure you will eat in the succah is to say that you must eat all of your meals there, while on the other hand the chachamim are saying only one meal is required and we trust you do to that.
i am not sure if this is the connection that you were thinking of but i hope it works.
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