Tuesday, September 27, 2011

A Time to Fight, A Time to Slaughter Your Son

I don't want to short circuit the conversation that Mrs.Herzog began, but I have to share with you all an answer to her last question that I found very satisfying.  It comes from Rabbi Eytan Mayer (Midreshet Moriah) and can be found here.  I'll quote the last paragraphs below, but you should read the whole essay.  In fact, skim through the archives - it's outstanding.


"Avraham didn’t have a good answer to what had happened to the promise that Yitzhak would succeed him. He pit his knowledge of Hashem’s promises about Yitzhak against the command to kill him—and decided it was none of his business what would happen with the promises. Once it was clear to him that Hashem did not want him to protest, that He did not want a debate as He did in the case of Sedom, he accepted the command without further explanation.
But how did Avraham know Hashem didn’t want him to protest? Maybe Avraham really failed the test—perhaps the real test was whether he would blindly commit an immoral act, failing the test by sacrificing his son, or stand his moral ground and pass the test by refusing to murder Yitzhak! (Rabbi Shlomo Riskin has suggested this a number of times.)
In order to understand how Avraham knew not to debate with Hashem about killing his son, we must take a step back to Sedom. How did Avraham know that in that case, he was indeed expected to protest, bargaining for the salvation of the damned cities? Avraham took his cue from the relevance—or lack thereof—of Hashem’s revelation. Hashem appears to Avraham one day and says, “Guess what, Avraham, I’ve decided to do away with Sedom.” Avraham says to himself, “Why is He telling me this?” and immediately realizes that since there is no particular reason for Hashem to have told him of Sedom’s fate Hashem is hinting to him that He wants Avraham to engage Him in debate. He wants Avraham to challenge Him.
In the same way, later on in the Torah, we find that Moshe often challenges Hashem: Hashem, infuriated by some Israelite act of disobedience or outright rebellion, turns to Moshe on several occasions and says, “Stand aside and let Me blast them to smithereens!” This is Moshe’s cue to stand directly in the way at all costs and prevent Hashem from destroying the people. Moshe asks himself the same question Avraham asks himself: “Why does He need to tell *me* this?” He concludes that Hashem does not really need him to stand aside in order to pulverize the people; he understands that what Hashem is hinting is that He wants him to intercede, to beg for mercy, to resist the decree.
When Hashem commands Avraham to kill his son, however, Avraham has no choice but to take Hashem’s words at face value, since he cannot ask himself, “Why is Hashem telling me this”—for the answer is obvious: Hashem is telling him to offer his son because He wants Avraham to do it. [This is a very subtle point, so if you’d like to discuss it drop me a line!] If Hashem seems to be telling you something for no reason, or asking you to do something for Him which is transparently unnecessary (like moving out of the way so He can punish Bnei Yisrael, when it’s clear He can punish them without your moving at all), you know He’s hinting something else. But when He delivers a simple command to be obeyed, like a request for a particular sacrifice, the command must be understood and obeyed as voiced.
The lessons of the Akeida are difficult lessons to learn. Some Jews have a very strong to Hashem, sometimes to the detriment of a strong commitment to other people; they learned the lessons of the Akeida perhaps a bit too well. But others still need to learn the lessons of the Akeida, lessons of absolute commitment to Hashem. A Jew is not only a moral interpersonal agent, he or she is a being dedicated first to the service of Hashem."

Questions for Thought and Study for Rosh Hashana



IThe kriah of the second day of Rosh Hashana is the well-known story of Akeidat Yitzchak. The section begins with the words "Vayehi achar hadevarim ha-eileh, v'ha'Elokim nissah et Avraham."
It is interesting that Elokim is the middah (attribute) that does this. This is the name that is connected to Din, judgement. Does that mean that Avraham "deserved" this in some way? Was this a consequence of something? Elokim is also the name that is associated with nature and natural consequences. So does this mean that it was a natural event to be asked to sacrifice your child? What could be more UNnatural?
And what is the real meaning of "nissah"? A "neis" is a miracle or a banner. Was Hashem asking Avraham to do something beyond nature? And if so, how could Hashem ask that of Avraham? And why was Avraham being "tested" at all? Hadn't he already proven, time after time after time, that He was Hashem's loyal servant?
The question that always bother ME the most in the whole Akeidah account is: Why does Avraham just acquiesce? Why does he argue--for quite a while, until there is nothing left to say--for S'dom and Amorah, cities filled with evil, corruption and immorality, but he doesn't say one work to argue for the life of Yitzchak? How can he believe this n'vuah and not say one word? This command goes against everything that Avraham knows about HKBH at this point in his life.
Wishing everyone a K'tivah va'Chatimah Tovah. May Hashem bless us all with a year filled with health, joy, and peace.
Mrs. Leah Herzog

Monday, September 26, 2011

The Psychology of Teshuva

Last Tuesday many of us gathered during lunch for a special edition of the Parsha Club to hear Dr.s Yaish & Cohen discuss this fascinating topic with Mrs. Sinensky moderating the conversation.  I thought it was amazing, and from the feedback I've gotten from the students, I wasn't the only one.  A number of students who had conflicts during lunch expressed disappointment that they missed it, so Torah Committee cabinet member Chavie Cohen agreed to take notes, which I will post below, along with her article for the Stream.

As I said this morning after tefilla, the message that I got most clearly from the session, is that effective teshuva can't just be showing up, saying I'm sorry and I'll never do it again.  It's a process and it requires a plan, a strategy to make sure you don't end up in the exact same place 12 months later.


The Stream:
Parsha Club drew a capacity crowd of nearly fifty students during lunch
on Tuesday, September 20. This week's Parsha Club was unique because
Mrs. Tova Sinensky, Talmud Chair, moderated a "Q and A session" and
discussion between Drs. Oshra Cohen and Rayzel Yaish, both of our
Guidance Department, about "The Psychology of Teshuva." Some of the
thought-provoking questions which were raised included, "Can people
really change?" and "How can we view the concept of teshuva between
man and God through the lens of psychology?" and "Can cognitive behavior
therapy be applied to teshuva?"
Dr. Cohen said that, when doing teshuva, people need to set small, measurable
goals. According to a recent study, she added, it takes an average
of ten times until a person finally succeeds in breaking a bad habit. Dr.
Yaish quoted Rabbi Tzvi Blanchard, father of Elana Blanchard '11, who
said that the reason teshuva seems vague is because it is not "one size
fits all," but rather it is a very individual process. The program was organized
by Mrs. Sinensky and Rabbi Donny Besser.

Chavie's Shorthand Notes (I wish we would have recorded it)

·        Is Teshuva limited?
o       Dr. Yaish- There are some qualities that are difficult to change but you must try.
o       Dr. Cohen- Sometimes it’s hard to fully do Teshuva but you have to give it your all.  Even trying is success.
·        What are some methods for doing teshuva?
o       Dr. Yaish- Rabbi Blanchard (Elana & Tamar’s Dad) says that teshuva feels fluffy or unclear because teshuva is not a “one size fits all,” it’s very individualized, so you can’t give hard guidelines exactly how to do it.
·        How can you tell someone you forgive them when you really don’t?
o       Dr. Yaish- The Torah sometimes commands us to feel a certain way.  If Hashem is commanding us to feel a certain way then there has to be a way to reach those feelings and forgive.  If you don’t fully forgive someone then go talk to them and say why you are upset with them.  But, we have the power to get over what happened in the past.
o       Dr. Cohen- It is hard to forget but you should try to forgive and move on.
·        What’s a step for us to take in order to forgive?
o       Dr. Yaish- Teshuva is a process and it starts by forgiving yourself.
o       Dr. Cohen- It’s very hard to say “I did wrong” and it’s very easy to criticize others and point out of their problems.  The way to start is by saying “I did something wrong to you and I’m sorry, but you also did wrong to me.”

Thursday, September 22, 2011

A Rabbinic Giant

Speaking of influencing people's behavior with love, there's a great article in Mishpacha magazine about Rabbi Yudin that I found really inspiring (the reporter is a second cousin).  I know a bunch of you daven in his shul, and I think this really captures some of his incredible strength as a leader, though my understanding is that he does a lot behind the scenes that the article doesn't even scratch the surface of.

There's No I in Jew, (But There's More Than One in Bnai Yisrael)

I think that the tension that Mrs. Schapiro describes is very real, especially in the world of Modern Orthodoxy.  Mussar does not come naturally to most of us, and yet there is a mitzvat aseh of הוכיח תוכיח את עמיתיך - we're obligated to tell the people that we see doing wrong that they are doing wrong.  We have joined the rest of the world living by the mantra "let he who is without sin cast the first stone" - that unless we're perfect it's hypocritical to rebuke someone else.  But we've forgotten that that expression comes from the New Testament.

It's true that Chazal teach "אל תדין את חברך עד שתגיע למקומו" and that there is an exception to the obligation to give mussar, if we think that it won't work.  We use these sources to justify our silence, assuming that others would be put off and offended if we said anything, but isn't that because of the culture that we helped create where rebuking is taboo?  Ask most unaffiliated Jews which type of Orthodox Jew is their favorite, and they will often say Chabad.  There is a way to give תוכחה, out of love and caring, that isn't condescending or offensive.  We just have to work to find it.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Parsha Questions - Nitzavim-Vayelech

Parashat Nitzavim is the source of the concept kol Yisrael arevim zeh ba-zeh, all Jews are responsible for one another. Devarim 29:28, after the restatement and renewal of the brit between Hashem and Bnei Yisrael, declares: “The secret things belong to Hashem our God; but the things that are revealed belong unto us and to our children for ever, that we may do all the words of this law.” If a person sins in secret, the community cannot be expected to react, but if a person sins in public, the community is held liable. American culture, on the other hand, emphasizes the idea of “rugged individualism” – going one’s own way and carving one’s own destiny. We have no doubt absorbed some of American individualism, and I wonder: is individualism compatible with Torah ideals? Is there room for individualism within a community that has, as a whole, made a brit with Hashem? How comfortable are we with being responsible for the observance of our fellow Jews? How do we manifest that responsibility?

Parashat Nitzavim is always read around the time of Rosh HaShanah because of perek 30, which contains the promise/commandment “you shall return to Hashem, your God” (pasuk 2). The next pesukim continue “God will return your captivity…God will circumcise your heart and the heart of your children to love God…” I find the imagery of God returning us, and drawing closer to Him, and helping us do teshuvah, beautiful and moving. It implies that when we reach out to Hashem, He will help us return, and He is always waiting for us with open arms. Pesukim 11-14 reassure us that teshuvah (or Torah as a whole) is “not in heaven, not beyond the sea”; rather it is “very close to us.” Hashem makes it seem so easy to do teshuvah, but in my experience it is quite difficult. Why do you think the pesukim make teshuvah sound so easy?

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Frum Week

Check out this article by a Yale student who is a Reform Jew, who decided to experiment with observance by trying to keep every mitzva she could for a week.  It's an incredible perspective on our daily lives.  It makes me wonder if I should try a Frum week of my own, where I do all the things I normally do but try to see them through her eyes.  No matter where she goes from here, yasher koach Emily Langowitz.

An Alarming Elul Story

Maayanot Alum Michelle Zivari submits the following inspiring story:


Hello Why-aanot blogosphere!

My cousin told a story at his shevah brachot that is relevant for Chodesh Elul and I thought I should share.

In his Yeshiva ,for some reason that I am unaware of, it is very common for the fire alarm to go off.  One Friday night, when everybody was in bed,  the fire alarm went off. Some bochrim  went down to the lobby to wait until they were cleared to re-enter the building and some bochrim were tired and just stayed in bed. My cousin was in the latter group, he was tired so he decided to sit in bed and wait for the alarm to be turned off. The firefighters arrived at the building and started going room to room to see if there was a fire. When a firefightered entered my cousin's room he saw my cousin and was shocked. He looked him in the eye and said," Are you kidding me? There could have been a fire!".
My cousin was very shaken up by that experience and didn't know what to make of it. In the spirit of growing from life experiences he thought about what he could learn from teh exchange . Finally he came to the realization that this encounter could teach him something about valuable about chodesh Elul.

Chodesh Elul is like a fire alarm. Every year it comes around warning you to save yourself, to do teshuvah. We have the tendency to treat it like a fire alarm, we know there is  a possibility of danger but we don't believe there is  a fire. We have to try reprogram ourselves to realize the urgency of chodesh Elul and not wait for it to pass us by.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

God and Tragedy

Following this thread of discussion reminds me of how inspired I was after reading the Rav's exploration of responses to personal tragedy (using Iyov as an example) in Kol Dodi Dofek. The message I got from his writing is that there is an important line between attributing tragedy to one's sins and using tragedy as a personal, "teachable moment" of inspiration to look for ways to improve one's self. For all the reasons others have mentioned in this thread, and most importantly because I consider it hubris to draw conclusions (in a post-nevu'a world) about where and how God casts blame and retribution, I recoil from the idea of looking for individual or societal transgressions as motivations for God's allowing tragedies to occur. But I have found great personal comfort and benefit in looking for ways to improve myself as a way to work through (or around) the awful feelings surrounding personal trauma, and I think it could be equally beneficial in the case of collective tragedy.

Dare to Disconnect!

The rabbi of my shul, Rabbi Yaakov Neuburger, spoke this past Shabbos about the constant distraction that phones, texting and internet create in our lives, and how they interfere with the attention we give to relationships we have with family and friends.

After Shabbos he sent out an email with a link to this great video clip. Watch it, and dare to disconnect!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Another Response

I wanted to respond to a few points made in Rabbi Besser's post. While I agree with Rabbi Besser's message that it is an important value to reflect on world catastrophes that happen and not leave those experiences unchanged as a person, I do however disagree with a couple of points. Firstly, I think it's important to note that the specific Jewish and non Jewish theologians who make comments attributing tragedies to sins are usually only a few extremists who are not taken seriously at all by the mainstream. I am reminded of a great quote by Rav Lichtenstein who states, "I don't have G-d's phone number, the way some others seem to have" (see an interesting article on that topic here). Most respected religious leaders would never make such comments and therefore I don't think the comments of a few extremists warrant an argument deserving of consideration. Secondly, I don't know if a secular country passing a law which grants rights to minorities can even be part of discussion of Divine punishment.

I think the message to take from the tochecha is that even though we no longer live in a world of nevua where we can make direct correlations from world tragedies to our own actions, we should always strive to be reflective about experiences that we go through, asking ourselves what message we can take from them in order to become better people, instead of directing blame outwardly onto others. For example, the lesson I took from all the worry over what the hurricane would do to NYC, was that we shouldn't take our homes and safety for granted, something that we often do living in the luxury of the United States, and that we should appreciate what we have, knowing that it can be taken away from us at any moment.

Response to Parsha Questions


Just a few thoughts in response to Rabbi Besser's post. 

First, I think there is a difference between attributing disasters to particular causes, and taking meaning from disasters.  In other words, I can’t presume to know why Irene happened, or why so many people have to suffer, but I can internalize from that that ultimately my life is in God’s hands.  I can’t presume to understand the Holocaust, but I can learn humility in the face of God’s master plan.

Furthermore, I think it is dangerous to try to attribute disasters to a particular cause.  Without direct communication with neviim, we can’t ever really know what God agrees or disagrees with, and we certainly can’t judge when something is bad enough to cause suffering on a grand scale  Trying to make those calls undermines the humility we should be striving for.  

Also, I think questioning God is part of the religious growth process, which we can learn from Iyov, who was a faultless person who lost everything he had, including his family.  Iyov is not faulted for raging against God; on the contrary, those in the book who claim that his losses must be due to sins are silenced.  All Iyov is asked to do is understand that he can’t really understand why God does what He does.  I think that’s all that’s asked of us. 

Sunday, September 11, 2011

An Anonymous Student Responds


In response to what Rabbi Besser said about natural and man made disasters being punishments for our bad behavior, while I somewhat agree that sometimes, the reason bad things happen is to tell us that we're doing something wrong, is that really fair to everyone, both Jews and Non Jews, to punish us so harshly? Coincidentally, today is the 10th anniversary of 9/11. If people try to give a reason for 9/11, or Chas V'Shalom, JUSTIFY it, by saying, "Well, Hashem must be trying to tell us something. Let's learn from this punishment and move on and try to be better Jews as a result of it.", did all of those people, whether Jewish or not, really deserve to die, and have their family and friends go through such trauma, just so Hashem could show us that we aren't living up to our potential? The same goes for the Holocaust. Did 6 million Jews really have to die for this point to be made? If these man made disasters really are punishments and we're supposed to learn from them, doesn't the fact that they are so harsh and traumatic make people want to further themselves from being the best Jew they can be? I know that many people didn't want to be religious after the Holocaust because they believed that "Hashem should've helped us". I know that this is an extremely hard question to answer, and of course, we have no control, and we should obviously have as much emunah in Hashem as possible, but sometimes, I can't help but be bothered by this notion that people should lose their lives so that we can possibly take a lesson from it.

Parsha Questions - Ki Tavo

As I mentioned, we're going to start each week off with a couple of questions on the Parsha, hopefully leading to some conversation.  Here goes:

  • The dominant feature of פרשת כי תבוא is the תוכחה, the extended and detailed curses about all of the horrific punishments that בני ישראל will receive if we don't follow Hashem.  A big part of that message seems to be, that if awful things happen to us, we shouldn't just assume that "that's life" or give a scientific explanation for it, but assume that it is a message from Hashem.  Is that truly how we should live?  The Nevi'im sure sound that way.  Yet, after every disaster - natural (like Katrina or Japan or Irene) or man-made (like the Holocaust or 9/11), theologians Jewish and non-Jewish will often attribute the tragedy to any of various sins.  Did Irene come because New York passed a same sex marriage bill?  Was Katrina a punishment for Mardi Gras?  Was the Holocaust a punishment?  Send in your thoughts (comments or e-mail), and I think we'll discuss it at either PC or mishmar.
  • The Parsha starts with the mitzva of ביכורים - It teaches, that when bringing the fruits to the Kohen at the בית המקדש, you must recite a passage that states that you have fulfilled all of your obligations regarding this produce.  This recitation is called וידוי מעשרות.  Isn't that odd, that a statement that you did everything right is called viduy - confession?  Why do you think that is?

Friday, September 9, 2011

פרשת כי תצא

A new thing that we're going to try this year is early in every week, someone will post some thought provoking questions about the parsha, and hopefully stimulate some interesting conversation either in the comments or by e-mail (questions@maayanot.org).


It's a little late in the week for that, but here's a thought that I'm working on now, so I'm not sure what to do with it and would love some feedback.


The first 3 topics of the parsha are eishet yefat toar - the rules of a soldier who is overcome by lust for a woman (the beautiful woman) from the enemy nation and takes her as a captive.  The Torah recognizes that humans are imperfect (דברה תורה כנגד יצר הרע) and provides regulations that he must go through before marrying her.


Second is the rule that if a man has two sons from two wives, but he loves one and hates the other.  If the older son is from the hated wife, he may not bypass him in favor of his beloved younger half-brother.  


Finally the Torah teaches the rule of a Ben Sorer u'Moreh, a good for nothing soon who is killed for his misdeeds before he can grow into an adult dangerous criminal.  The Gemara explains that this is because he is נידון על שם סופו - judged on his end.  The בן סורר ומורה is executed not for the relatively trivial crimes that he commits as a child, but for the serious crimes that he would go on to commit in the future that will now never occur.  


Understandably, many meforshim (even the midrash) see echoes of Yaakov, Rachel and Leah in this story - Rachel is called a יפת תואר, Leah and אשה שנואה, and Yaakov bypassed her בכור, and gave the double portion to מנשה & אפרים, the sons of Yosef, the בן אהובה.


Upon closer inspection, it looks more like Avraham, Sarah, Hagar, Yitzchak and Yishmael, only the Torah is commanding us to the opposite of what Avraham and Sarah did.  Sarah is the first "yefei", who actually was taken captive for the purpose of marriage.  Avraham, on Sarah's advice and Hashem's command chooses the younger ben ahuva over the bechor ben hasnua.  And finally, a ben sorer umoreh (Yishmael) is not killed al shem sofo, but saved b'asher hu sham.  
I'm not sure what to do with it, but if this is true, it's also probably not a coincidence that we read it during Elul as we ask Hashem to be judged "b'ahser hu sham".

Thursday, September 8, 2011

9/11- Some Jewish reading material

Yasher koach to all of you who participated in tonight's kickoff kumzitz Mishmar, and in particular to Yaffa Cohen who shared some of her reflections of what it was like to life in the face of terror last year in Israel.  While we discussed 9/11  bit at mishmar, will be having a short program tomorrow, and might learn about a different aspect next week at Parsha Club, for those of you looking to find some meaning in it or just read up some, here are some interesting articles:

For some reflections and hashkafa, see this translation of a lecture by Rav Lichtenstein and this essay by Rabbi Basil Herring.

Here is an interview with Rabbi Michael Broyde, who spearheaded the efforts of the RCA Beth Din of America (full disclosure - I do some work for them, but didn't at the time) to avoid aguna problems for the many women whose husbands were presumed to have died in the Towers, but left no physical evidence or witnesses to confirm it.  He and others who worked on it (Rabbi Yona Reiss, Rabbi Shlomo Weissman) have spoken and written in greater detail about it, but this interview gives you a taste of the incredible work they did and the novel methods used (within the established rules of halacha) to try to free as many of these women as they could.

Finally, here's an incredible article in the NYT from November 6, 2001 about Stern College students doing Shemira (watching over a dead body, reciting Tehillim) in 4 hour shifts over Shabbos for the bodily remains found at Ground Zero - read it.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

And We're Back!

And better than ever!
Let's start simple...
Maayanot in the News (That's Mrs. Block - Mrs. Kahan is quoted in the article. Check it out.
jstandard.com
As the 2011-2012 school year dawns, financially strapped Jewish day schools are faced with myriad challenges. The statistical likelihood of many new teachers leaving the profession within their first three years on the job, coupled with recent economic constraints, highlights one of those challenges...